Homestuck Roomate AU
by Thelightningtheif171
Summary: John is still single, even in his last year of college. When he is forced out of his apartment, he meats a girl who he quickl befriends. After a few months of them texting and talking to each other, he soon realizes that he is completely in love with her.(AU where the Lalonde/Strider family isn't related and most of the trolls don't exist) (Roxygen)(Davejade)(Rosemary)(Gunblade)


John Egbert frowned. There were many things that he could tolerate. He could tolerate the fact that the apartment was four billion degrees. He could tolerate the fact that his roommate left boxes of apple juice everywhere. He could accept the fact that Dave was not blind and wore his sunglasses ironically. He could accept the fact that Dave was boning his sister.

But this. Was. The. FINAL. Straw.

You may be wondering what the fuck it was, well I won't tell you so go fuck- Just kidding. The final straw was the fact that Dave MOTHERFUCKING Strider had left a used dildo on the kitchen floor. It was big and fucking BLUE. Why he used blue, John's favorite color, was beyond him. John wasn't even going to bother picking it up. He marched straight to Dave's room and was about to knock as hard as he could when the door opened and he accidently hit Dave on the noggin. John cupped his hands over his mouth. "Oh my god Dave, I'm so sorry. That was an accident"!

Dave blinked. "Oh I deserve it. Trust me".

John's eyes moved side to side. "Why"?

"By any chance, have you seen a blue dildo anywhere"?

Oh right. That's what John came to yell at Dave about. But another thought made him stop. "Why? Do you need it? It's in the kitchen".

Dave gently pushed John forward a bit and ran into the kitchen. John put two and two together and he groaned. "Oh god, is Jade in there"?

Dave stared John dead in the eye, the dildo still in his hands. "No, President Donald Fucking Trump is in there. Why would I need a dildo if she wasn't in there? More importantly, Jade uses other methods to-".

John covered his ears with his hands, the image of Jade fucking Dave with a strap on made him want to toss himself out the window into a pool of tiny piranha's. "Alright I get it. Should I leave"?

Dave hesitated. "Yes. Do you have money with you"?

John was about to open his mouth but Dave shushed him, thankfully, with his hand that wasn't holding the dildo. He pulled out a twenty dollar bill out of his pocket (Why was he wearing pants if he and Jade were doing it?) And handed it to John. "Don't worry about paying me back, consider this payment for me forcing you out of the apartment".

"Thanks". John said.

Dave winked and walked into his room

John booked it out of the house. He knew that Dave and Jade loved each other, but the amount of times that they've done it was too high for them to count. The two of them had only barely gotten together and they were still in the beginning stages of a relationship, not that John knew much about that, Hell, he hadn't ever been in a relationship. His other best friend, Rose, had gotten together with a lovely gal named Kanaya. She and John got along and they would invite him over whenever Dave and Jade would kick him out of the apartment. But he never wanted to bug them that much so it was always either Kanaya or Rose who would invite him over.

John's stomach grumbled, he searched for any restaurants around until he stumbled across a Jack In The Box. He walked inside and saw that it was practically empty. He casted a glance at the girl at the register and his heart stopped. For a moment, he thought that it was Rose, but he knew she lived in another part of town and had a huge career selling books. John took another glance and saw that she didn't look much like Rose at all. She had the same blonde hair and pale skin, sure. But that's it.

The girl looked straight at him. "Yo, Blue. Are you just gonna look inside this restaurant for the next twenty minutes? If so, please escort me to your drug dealer because you would obviously have to be high to do that".

John jumped. "Uh, right. Sorry". He moved towards the register and made his order. John looked at her name tag and it read 'Roxy'. He moved his eyes away from her nametag because he had a feeling that if she caught him starring there, he'd get slapped.

Roxy gave him his receipt and he began to walk over to a table. Then Roxy called out "Blue, you dropped this".

John turned around and saw that she was holding a slip of paper. He was confused because he was sure that he hadn't brought any paper with him. She gave it to him, winked and then walked away.

John read the note. It said; 'Blue, you seem like a cool guy and I always wanted to expand my friend circle, here's my phone number. Text me sometime'.

Next to the message was her phone number and a small drawing of a cat winking.


End file.
